Akatsuki and Sasuke's New Girlfriend
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Sasuke has a girlfriend and Itachi can't wait to meet her! But what happens when she isn't quite what he had expected? And how does the rest of Akatsuki handle yet another woman? Rated for language. Enjoy! Thanks CuroHatake1!
1. Chapter 1 The News

Akatsuki and Sasuke's New Girl

Big thanks to Curo-Hatake1 for this fabulous idea. I hope everybody enjoys this as much as I enjoyed the concept! Enjoy!

"Hmmmm I just don't know Sasori. A nuclear fission reaction can only occur when the appropriate properties combine and…." Lola stopped talking she could feel Sasori's eyes all over her. She smiled at him. "You know, forget this. You are way too sexy to waste my time trying to figure this out." Lola put her books down. But just as Sasori was going to kiss her…the moment was completely destroyed by Itachi storming into the living room.

"Move! I need to use the phone on that couch." He ordered Sasori.

"Itachi, you do not own the living room, go somewhere else." Sasori said agitated.

"Right now I own YOU. Listen to this….Sasuke has a girlfriend…I just found out and I have to meet her in order to see if I approve."

"And you HAVE to have the living room for that?" Sasori was still unhappy, although Lola's arm around him made it a little better."

"Uh, yeah! I also have to call that jewler and see if Dana….." itachi stopped midsentence. "Never mind, just scoot over." Itachi made himself his own spot on the couch.

"Hey! Which one of you dumbasses left the fabric softener on the bottom shelf where Tobi could reach it? Now our robes smell meadow fresh." Kisame scolded.

"Hey, sorry Kisame I didn't know, I was washing sheets." Lola said apologetically.

"Oh, oh, oh, if it was you Lola there is no problem here." Kisame quickly said.

"Has anyone seen the checkbook, the leader dropped off a check and I need to take it to the bank." Kakuzu said.

"Hmmmm, Hidan had it last." Kisame answered.

"That ass." Kakuzu stormed off to find him.

"Oh my gooooooooooood!" Marisol screamed as she barged through the front door. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Where's Deidara?" She asked, her head about to explode.

"He's in the shower. Are you going to be okay?" Zetsu asked suspiciously.

"Oh…..my……god….. you'll never believe this…..I'M GOING TO BE IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED! Oh my god…I know NOTHING about sports! I'm so excited!" Marisol was on the verge of a meltdown. Itachi dropped the phone.

"Congratulations, go tell Deidara, we won't say a word!" Itachi said picking the phone up from the floor. Marisol ran off down the hall and into the bathroom.

"Wait, wait….she will surely wait on him to get out of the shower…..right?" Lola asked.

"This is Marisol we're talking about…..she will get in the shower with him."

"She's wearing a pink pleated skirt that's like 6 inches long and….you know what never mind I think I understand where you're coming from." Lola said.

"The thing is, Deidara will be so happy for her….but he's going to freak out when he realizes that she's going to be a magazine…..a magazine with a wide male audience….he won't realize it though until the issue comes out." Zetsu said. The screaming down the hall was the indicator that Deidara just found out Marisol's happy news.

"Okay, everyone my stupid brother is coming over with his girlfriend. Now, Dana will sail her up a river as far as hotness is concerned but tell her that my girlfriend is ten times hotter….let her figure it out on her own." Itachi ordered. Just then Dana came through the front door.

"Itachi! Oh my god, come here honey. I so got an amazing deal on Nautica boxer briefs today, come check them out, yeah!"

"Dana! Those NEVER go on sale!"

"I know! Come on baby, let's get your pants off, yeah."

"Good god, seriously this is completely out of control." Hidan said coming into the living room to avoid Kakuzu.

"I can not believe my little brother is finally a man! God, I am just so proud of him, finally maybe he and I can get along for more than 30 seconds. Oh my god, I should get a camera!" Itachi said going off to dig through the closet for the digital camera. He soon found it. He turned it on but then quickly looked at everyone in the room. "Hey…..have any of you gotten a hold of this camera since our Miami trip?"

"Nope." Itachi heard voices answer around the living room. He let out a long sigh.

"Okay, good." Of course before Itahci had a chance to turn the camera off Marisol and Deidara appeared behind him.

"Oh my god! You finally got that camera out of the closet, yeah! You know you really need to get those pictures of you and Dana cleared off that thing, yeah, God, I had no idea she photographed that well naked, yeah." Deidara said innocently still toweling off blonde hair. At that moment every head in the room turned toward Itachi.

"Deidara…..remember that little talk we had about how you always say too much." Itachi said through gritted teeth. Deidara thought a moment.

"We had a talk like that, yeah? I don't remember a talk like that. Now I do remember the one where we were talking that one night about which would be better to have sex in a….."

"Deidara shut up! Shut the fuck up! Just SHUT UP!" itachi ranted.

"No Deidara, please tell us more." Sasori said laughing and ridiculing. Itachi quickly turned the camera back off and put it back in the closet. It was time for him to try on Dana's most recent Nautica purchase for him.

"Okay, so we're meeting Sasuke's girlfriend, yeah? His girlfriend isn't going to be in Sports Illustrated, yeah….MINE IS!" Deidara beamed nearly squeezing Marisol in half.

"Oh my god, that reminds me. Dana was supposed to bring like….10 bikinis for me to try on! Deidara, baby, you HAVE to help me decide which one!" Lola rolled her eyes, Sasori lipped something sarcastic and probably mean at her. She had to keep from laughing.

But all of this would have to wait…..there was a knock at the door.

"Itachi! I think your brother and his girlfriend are here!" Kisame yelled.


	2. Chapter 2 Meet Careen

"Hmmmm you look better than usual today." Itachi said opening up the door for his brother. "So….where is she?" he asked eagerly. Sasuke smiled.

"You are going to be crazy about her…she's just….so great." Sasuke said.

"Hey dumbasses, clear a spot off on that couch!" Itachi ordered as Sasori, Lola and Kisame were forced to move.

"Careen, over here!" Sasuke called to someone. She stepped in front of the door but when she walked in…..no one said a word. "Um….this is Careen…she's my girlfriend." Sasuke said nervously with his arm around her. Itachi's mouth hung open. Kisame hadn't blinked for 12 seconds. Dana and Marisol kept looking back and forth at one another quickly. Marisol's eyes were glued on Sasori and her hand was over her mouth. Hidan and Kakuzu were trying slowly to leave the room. Zetsu had clammed up in his plant-like cocoon. Deidara had never been this stunned. Thank god Tobi broke the silence.

"Hi! I'm Tobi, do you like Jello? We have some!" Careen smiled.

"Yeah, it's okay." She answered. There she was, Careen, Sasuke's girlfriend…she was wearing white and red stripe knee socks with black ballet flats, a faded jean skirt that was raveling out at the bottom, a belt that looked like a seat belt of a car, a cut off ACDC t- shirt which showed her belly botton ring, at least 50 bangles on one wrist, a black ribbon around her neck and she had spikey black hair to match it all. Of course, it really was a nice haircut. Her makeup was a little too heavy especially in the eyeliner department and her lipstick was a little too red.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…." Itachi started to become weak in the knees. It was a good thing Deidara was behind him to catch him as he leaned backwards. Deidara started fanning Itachi's face.

"Hey! Come sit down! Tobi excitedly told Careen and Sasuke as he dug through the refrigerator for the grape Jello he had made earlier.

"Hi…uh….I'm, I'm Lola." Lola could hold her own, she just moved in a little closer to Sasori.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you." Careen said delighted. She and Sasuke sat on the couch beside Kisame.

"Hi, I'm Kisame." Kisame was relieved that this girl was actually quite polite and seemed to be well….normal.

"Dana……what should we do?" Marisol asked very softly.

"I don't know, yeah…let's just…stand here, yeah." Was her well thought out answer.

"Oh god, Deidara…..why…what the hell has happened here…this is all wrong." Itachi whined as Deidara held on to him.

"It's okay Itachi, maybe she's in the circus, yeah." Deidara answered.

"Look at her, Deidara, oh my god would you just look at that girl! You know what forget this…I am taking my dumbass brother…outside!" Itachi stood up. By this time Careen had gotten into a conversation with Zetsu. It seemed as everyone else was warming up to her.

"Sasuke….I need to talk to you…outside….NOW!" Itachi demanded. Sasuke got up form the couch and followed Itachi through the front door. Itachi got him outside and with arms folded across hi chest glared at him.

"Well, what do you think of her?" Sasuke asked, his eyes gleaming. Very calmly Itachi began to answer him.

"What do I think of her? You want to know what I think of her?" And then all hell broke loose. "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRAG INTO OUR APARTMENT!? WHERE THE HELL DO YOU FIND SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THAT!? SASUKE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING! OH THAT'S RIGHT YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh…my….god….please tell me you have not slept with that…..that THING….in there on our couch!" Itachi had to stop to breathe. Sasuke swallowed har.

"No…I haven't…..but….are you telling me that you don't like her?" Sasuke was sad. Itachi sighed.

"Foolish….little….brother……….WHY THE HELL WOULD I LIKE HER!?!?!?!?!?!?" Itachi's anger was going to get completely out of control in about 12 seconds.

"Well, I mean what's wrong with her….you haven't even talked to her yet."

"What's wrong with her…WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER!?" Itachi's voice had gotten all high and squeaky. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER! First, she would NEVER make it in the fashion world! Second, NONE of her clothes have any recognizable labels. Third, she has a BELLY BUTTON RING! Fourth, can we say no taste in SOCKS! Fifth, have you SEEN her makeup!? And the last reason and probably the most important of all SHE'S NOT BLONDE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sharingan had never burned so intently in his eyes.

"Well, you know, that might work for you. But, I want someone who is much more than a…. dumb fashionista." Oh no…..Sasuke did not choose his words wisely. Itachi was trembling. He gasped.

"Oh…….my…….god…….you……just…….called…..my…..beautiful……girlfriend…….dumb…….foolish……..little………brother……….I AM GOING TO FUCKING THROW YOU OVER THE BANOSTER RIGHT NOW! OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SUCH A WORTHLESS PIECE OF…..OOOOOOOOH WAIT UNTIL I TELL DEIDARA ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!! Oh god, I…I can't deal with this….I thing I'm going to……oh god….I can't believe you would call Dana dumb….oh my god you are NOT invited to my wed……I mean my Wednesday night couples night! You know, I have to go clear my head now, and by the way……THAT will NEVER last." Itachi said and with that he stormed off and sent Sasuke back into the apartment.

"Hey, Dana….let's try to ask her something." Marisol suggested. Careen was telling Hidan some kind of story which brought about a lot of laughter. Kisame, Zetsu, and Kakuzu had left the room for a bit after theyu had discovered everything was safe with this girl. Hand in hand Dana and Marisol approached her carefully, making certain to stay on the opposite side of the coffee table.

"Ummmm…..Hi! I'm Marisol….Deidara is my boyfriend and I'm at this apartment a lot." Careen studied her. Marisol looked over at Lola to see her reaction, she just winked.

"Wow, you and you're friend are like…total cheerleaders." Careen laughed. "It's not my thing but whatever, hey."

"I'm Dana, yeah. I'm Deidara's sister. Oh and I love to read Vogue, what magazine do you like, yeah?" Dana's eyes sparkled.

"I'm not into magazines, but I'm reading George Orwell's 1984 right now." Dana looked so confused.

"Oh…..so is that like a yearbook or something, yeah?" Dana asked. Careen laughed and explained her book.

"So, are you two a couple? Careen asked Sasori and Lola.

"Yes, yes we are." Sasori said confidently, his arm wrapped around the beautiful Lola.

"Cool, you two are really glamorous." Lola blushed, no one had ever told her that before.

"Well, he did just get me a matching CRZR phone like his, now we have unlimited mobile to mobile." Lola said.

"Hey um, Careen…..do you worship Satan or anything, yeah?" Deidara boldly asked. He wasn't nearly as critical as Itachi was…..although he would have never picked something like Careen out. Careen laughed as she ate Tobi's Jello.

"No, I don't worship Satan."

"So serisouly are you into Jasshin?" Hidan asked hopefully.

"No, not really."

"Then if you don't worship Satan…why is your eyeliner so dark, yeah?" Deidara wondered. Careen shrugged.

"I like it." She answered.

"Oooooooh, so you….like it that way…..are you sure, yeah?" Deidara asked. It had been an interesting introduction. But when would Itachi ever come back and how long would she and Sasuke be here on this visit?


	3. Chapter 3 Zetsu's Disaster

"So, Careen, have you ever worn pink?" Marisol asked her trying as hard as she could to move closer to this new girl. Although she was still a little worried that Careen may get that horrid eyeliner on Marisol's pink crop sweater. Careen looked at her with sarcastic eyes. It made Marisol tremble a little.

"I'm not really into pink. As a matter of fact….it's like I'm allergic to it." Careen said. Marisol's eyes grew wide.

"I didn't know anyone could be allergic to a color." She said seriously.

"Um……where did Itachi go, yeah?" Dana asked realizing he was gone.

"He got pissed and took off." Sasuke answered.

"Oh, well he didn't take his pill this morning, god he could go crazy in town if a cab driver pisses him off, yeah." Dana said.

"Oh! Oh! Careen! I know! I'm going to be in Sports Illustrated and everything so what's your favorite style of bikini!?" Marisol just knew this was the perfect question. Careen smiled and raised her dark eyebrows.

"I'm not a bikini kind of girl, see I like to be valued for my brains and my personality…I don't want a man judging me by the way I look in skimpy swimwear." Marisol's little heart had just broken, Careen didn't mean it in a bad way…she was just being herself. In the background Lola lipped the word 'ouch' even she knew that was a hard knock. Fortunately, Marisol didn't understand completely that Careen was slamming her.

"Awww, honey, one pieces are so out….but whatever works for you!" Instantly Marisol was happy again. And with that she left the room to go organize her own swimwear that Dana had brought her to experiment with.

"Careen! My favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End what's yours!?" Tobi asked excitedly. Careen smiled.

"Hmmm…Well actually Tobi I like foreign films." Careen answered.

"Oooooooooh! That's neat! I like that answer!" Tobi was always so polite.

"Kakuzu! Oh my god! Seriously, she will not want to hear about the time you went to Wall Street and got to ring the closing bell."

"Well, she doesn't want to hear about your trip to the Vatican and when you met the Pope! You always think your stuff is better!" The day was never complete until Kakuzu and Hidan fought.

"You know what you seriously have no idea how to treat company! God! You piss my off so much when people come to visit us! Now Sasuke and Careen think we are morons!" Hidan yelled.

"You're the one that totally ruins our reputation all the time! You always say the stupidest shit! God no wonder people don't take us….." this delightful argument was interrupted by Kisame's shouts of terror.

"OH MY GOD ZETSU JUST ACCIDENTALLY DRANK PLANT KILLER!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE CALL POISON CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kisame yelled pulling Zetsu into the living room while he choked.

"I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT! YEAH!" Deidara said running for the phone. Deidara called the number that was posted on the fridge.

'Hello you've reached the poison control center. For English press 1. Para Espanol presente dos. For questions about recalls on cleaning products press 3. For inquires about dangerous chemicals press 4. To speak to a poison control representative press 5.' "Aaaaaggggghhh! Stupid automated thing, yeah!" Deidara frantically pressed 5. "Hello!?!?!? Poison Control Center!?!?!? My friend….yes, I'll hold." Deidara said calmly. "My friend just swallowed plant killer and he's part plant….WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO, YEAH!!!!!!!!!" Deidara panicked. "Oh you know what, never mind, he just threw up, yeah. Thanks anyway, yeah. Bye!" Deidara hung up the phone.

"Dude! How the hell did you drink plant killer?" Sasori asked. Watching Zetsu slowly recover from his horrific experience. Zetsu coughed a bit more.

"I thought the plant killer was my two liter of Mountain Dew. Careen, I'm sorry you had to see this." Zetsu said still kind of choked.

"It's okay, you may want to use some carpet cleaner after you clean that up though." Careen advised.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." Zetsu said slowly getting up from the floor.

"You know what, Zetsu why don't' you go lie down in case something weird happens to you. We'll clean up after you." Kisame said leading Zetsu to his room. What friendship! Hidan had already forgotten about his fight with Kakuzu and had gone to retrieve the lemon fresh scent carpet cleaner. Kakuzu went after an entire roll of paper towels.

"Hey! Sasuke! So have you slept with this girl, yeah?" Deidara asked out loud thinking there was nothing wrong with asking this question out loud.

"No, Deidara, no I haven't. That's no really in our plans." Sasuke said a little embarrassed by Deidara's question. Deidara thought for a moment he was confused.

"Why? I mean, do you not know what you're doing, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"It's not that, I mean it's not that I do know, but I mean it's like." Sasuke had trouble answering this.

"So do you just not want to sleep with her, yeah?" Deidara was having a lot of trouble with this one. And of course Marisol had to get involved.

"Yeah, I mean I totally wanted to sleep with Deidara when we got together…in fact that's HOW we got together." Marisol said throwing her arms around Deidara. "Wait….are you saying you two just….started dating? Like you didn't see each other naked or anything?" Marisol asked.

"Well….no. We met at Panera Bread and her table was the only one available so I asked her if I could sit with her." Sasuke answered.

"So…..did you make out, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"No we didn't make out." Sasuke answered.

"Have you ever?" Marisol asked.

"No. I just like her." Sasuke said.

"I don't understand any of this. You two are dating but you're not having any sex and you've never even made out, yeah. I don't get it!" Deidara said.

"Yeah god, that's like……like buying a car and never driving it to see what it's capable of." Sasori nearly choked on his drink in the kitchen. He grabbed a hold of Lola.

"Oh my god, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard her say."

"So….you just…..I mean……well if you're not having sex…..how…..oh whatever, I don't understand how this works for you, yeah." Deidara said and completely gave up on this conversation.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) the front door opened, Itachi had returned. But the look on his face didn't seem to be any more pleased with this whole situation. It was obvious Tobi loved Careen since he had talked non stop to her whenever he could work a word in. Sasori didn't have an opinion about her. Lola shared these same thoughts. Dana. Deidara and Marisol didn't understand her at all, Zetsu and Kisame were okay with her and Hidan and Kakuzu seemed to like her. Everyone awaited what Itachi had to say now that he was back, even though they dreaded what was to come.


	4. Chapter 4 Itachi's Drama

"Hey baby! You're back, yeah!" Dana was happy he hadn't wandered off into town somewhere and gotten mobbed by street vendors.

"Hi honey. I figured that by now that….OH MY GOD IT'S STILL HERE! OH MY GOD! WHY IS IT THAT MY LIFE HAS TO SUCK ASS! SASUKE BECAUSE OF YOU AND THAT….THAT…..THING IN THIS APARTMENT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO USE MY EYE STRESS CREAM TONIGHT TO AVOID BAGS! " Itachi screamed with Sharingan rage.

"Look Itachi, everyone else seems to like Careen, what's your problem?" Sasuke challenged.

"I'm….I'm…..I'm sorry…..did….did you just ask what the…the problem was? First, she is a god, secondly and the thing that totally pisses me the HELL off….you called my girlfriend dumb!" Itachi said. Dana gasped.

"You think I'm dumb, yeah?

"You think she's dumb?" Marisol challenged.

"You think MY sister is dumb, yeah?" Deidara was fucking pissed.

"Deidara, for god's sake take your hands off your hips!" Itachi ordered.

"Okay, Lola, this is our cue to leave." Sasori said as he led Lola toward the door.

"I'm not dumb…am I? Am I dumb Itachi, yeah?" Dana asked now feeling very self conscious.

"Dana, baby you are not dumb. Sasuke is a the fucking dumb ass here. Honey, you are one of the smartest people I know. You know everything about what colors and fabrics to coordinate and in what seasons, that thing on the couch appears to like black…..for all seasons. Honey, you own her ass." Itachi comforted her.

"Hey Careen, before Itachi goes apeshit and runs you and Sasuke out of here, I just want you to know that you are welcome back in our apartment anytime!" Tobi said happily.

"Oh thanks, Tobi." She answered him.

"Okay, Sasuke because I'm just an overall good person and the fact that my blood pressure is out of control and I really need to get it back down…I'm going to try and converse with that wretched girl you've drug in here." Itachi said fanning himself off. Itachi moved directly in front of Careen.

"So, Careen….." Itachi wasn't certain where he was going with this.

"You know you and Sasuke look so much alike." Careen said. She wasn't prepared what happened next. Itachi's mouth fell open.

"Oh my god…..oh my god, oh my god. What so do you just hate me or something? Oh god, this bitch just insulted me to no end….oh….god. Oh god, oh god…..I AM SO MUCH HOTTER THAN MY BROTHER!"

"Quick Kakuzu, get Itachi a mirror, yeah!" Deidara called. Kakuzu ran off to find a mirror for Itachi. Dana quickly grabbed his shoulders to try to release the obvious tension that had suddenly overcome his body.

"Well, I mean you two do really look alike." Careen said to Sasuke. Sasuke shook his head in agreement. Kakuzu had soon come racing back into the living room with a mirror.

"Oh god, I do look like Sasuke today! Would you look at the stress my forehead has been through, god now I'll have to wear MY NIGHTLY CUCUMBER MASQUE! Sasuke, you and this insulting young girl get out of this apartment NOW!" Itachi ordered.

"Hey it was nice to meet you, sorry Itachi is….well….Itachi." Kisame said.

"Yeah, whatever happens between you two good luck." Kakuzu said.

"Sorry you have to just up and leave, but I don't think you two want to hang out around here anymore, seriously." Hidan said.

"Bye Careen, I'm a little pissed at you but it was still nice to meet you." Marisol said. Sasuke and Careen got up to head for the door. It hadn't been the smoothest of introductions especially since Itachi was involved.

"Okay guys, I'll see you all some other time. It's obvious Itachi hasn't handled me well." Careen said. Deidara shuddered at the sight of Sasuke and Careen hand in hand. Itachi had left the living room and was now practically locked in his room. Careen and Sasuke left and everyone else breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Okay so do you think that Itachi will quit being dramatic and talk in a normal voice tone the rest of the evening?" Kisame asked.

"Seriosuy, it's really hard to tell." Hidan said.

"You know that girl was kind of weird I mean god, that eyeliner!" Marisol said.

"Well, but in a very odd way….they seem like they are good together." Kakuzu said.

"I'm going to see if Itachi is calming down any, yeah." Dana said quietly leaving the living room.

"Does anyone know if Zetsu is doing okay and where did Sasori and Lola go?" Kisame asked.

"Sasori and Lola went to get something to eat, as for Zetsu he's asleep so I think he's trying to sleep off the trauma of the whole plant killer thing." Kakuzu said.

"So, do you think we'll ever see those two again?" Tobi asked making even more Jello. This time he couldn't decide between strawberry, orange, or blue raspberry….so he made all three.

"Seriously Tobi, I don't think we will be seeing those two again. Itachi might go on another killing spree if they show their faces around here again." Hidan said. The phone rang and Kakuzu was nearest to it to answer.

"Hello? Oh hey the leader! How's it going? A muffin pan that Orochimaru borrowed? Hmmmm….hold on." Kakuzu put the phone down. "Hey do any of you remember loaning Orochimaru a muffin pan that belonged to the leader?" he called into the living room.

"I don't think we've had a muffin pan since we were in our last apartment." Kisame said.

"Yeah, ever since Itachi made those horrible all bran muffins that were supposed to be high protein low calorie the muffin pan hasn't surfaced, yeah." Deidara said.

"The leader? Yeah, we don't know anything about a muffin pan but I bet that bitch used it! Orochimaru is always wanting to use our stuff! I know you would think he would get his own cookware! Alright the leader, well good luck on getting a new pan. Yeah the Wal-Mart Super Center should have some. Hey! You can get your tires rotated while you shop! Alright, bye!" Kakuzu hung up the phone. "You know I thought it best not to mention the whole Sasuke has a girlfriend thing."

"It was a smart move, seriously." Hidan said. It was only a matter of time until Itachi fully recovered from this day. As for everyone else? Well, they had decided to stay away from itachi.


	5. Chapter 5 Cappucino Evening

"Hey you two are back." Kisame said as he tried to complete the crossword puzzle. Sasori and Lola had returned from their evening dinner.

"I can't help but notice that Sasuke and Careen are gone." Sasori said looking around and listening to the silence.

"Yeah, you two missed all kinds of crazy shit. Zetsu drank plant killer by accident, Deidara called poison control, Itachi went crazy because Careen told him that he and Sasuke looked a lot alike." Kisame explained.

"Well, they are brothers and they do look a lot alike." Lola stated.

"Exactly, but in Itachi's mind, he is too sexy and his brother is…well not." Kisame told her. Lola joined Kisame in the living room while Sasori fired up the cappuccino machine.

"So where is everyone?" Sasori wondered.

"Well, Zetsu is asleep after the plant killer incident, Itachi and Dana I do believe are in the whirlpool tub. Marisol has had at least 17 bikini's on and off her body and Deidara thinks they are all horrible because none of them, and I quote this ' make her look as perfect and intelligent as she is, yeah.' So, needless to say they went shopping. Tobi made 3 boxes of Jello and now he's in his room going through cookbooks trying to find something to cook and mail to the leader. Hidan and Kakuzu went to the bank, but I'm sure they'll get into a fight on the way there.

"Hmmmm, you know I'm glad we missed all that. We went to that Irish Pub downtown. It's very nice, great food, Beer on tap is half price starting at 8:00." Lola told him.

"You want a cappuccino?" Sasori asked Kisame as he waited for the water to reach its appropriate temperature.

"Yeah, I'll take one. Hey will you put that whipped topping and chocolate shavings on the top?" Kisame asked.

"Uh…yeah! Hello!? That's what made my cappuccino's only like 100 times better than the leaders." Sasori said.

"Okay good. Yours really are 100 times better than the leaders." Kisame stated. Sasori started making his first coffee creation.

"So, Lola tell me about your thoughts on what all has happened here today." Kisame asked. Lola smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"I think teenage love is temporary and I can't believe she had a belly button ring, but aside from that, I think it's a quite typical." Lola remarked.

"See, this is what's great about Lola, she tells things honestly." Sasori said removing the first cappuccino and handing it to Lola. He returned to the kitchen to work on Kisame's cappuccino.

"I don't know Lola, those were sweet kids, I mean Sasuke was exceptionally innocent with her." Kisame said. "But you know, I'm starting to think Itachi's a little too critical, I hadn't noticed him this bad but god he just didn't give this girl a chance."

"I do have to agree, Itachi was a total ass hole today."

"And you know that girl strikes me as someone……" Lola was interrupted by Deidara parading Marisol into the living room.

"Alright, tell us the truth, yeah. Does this bikini make Marisol look fat, yeah?" Deidara demanded as Marisol stood before them happily in the pinkest, tiniest bikini she had had on her body so far.

"What do you think? Am I fat?" Marisol asked nervously.

"Marisol, I need to ask you a brief series of personal questions. Okay, how much do you weigh?" Lola began her questioning.

"102 pounds." She answered.

"Very well, now with that said do you honestly think you look fat in that thing? God, there's hardly anything there! You have the body for it." Lola said honestly.

"Well I was just worried about the high heels; you don't think it pushes my lower stomach out?" Marisol asked seriously. Sasori, being the mingler of trouble that he was, decided to give his input.

"You know, let's consult the panel….Deidara…..what do you think of your girlfriend right now….in this particular suit?" Sasori took a cappuccino to Kisame and sat down with Lola. Deidara didn't say anything, he bit his lower lip.

"Um….well…." Deidara paused again. "I love it Marisol! I love it I love it I love it, yeah! It's pink and god you are so hot, yeah! That's the one, yeah!" Deidara took a moment to calm down. "Hmmmm, I guess we didn't need you two after all, yeah." Deidara said.

And so Akatsuki spent a pleasant evening at the apartment. After an afternoon of mayhem, it was nice to have a calm cappuccino evening for once!

Sorry for the slow update, I have been out of town again. Look for my next story soon which I hope you will enjoy: Akatsuki Buys a House


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